May 21, 2014
I was watching Game 6 of the Montreal Canadiens–Boston Bruins playoff series when I came to a sudden and profound realization: I don’t know how to relax anymore.
It’s not so much because of the intensity of the game. Actually, investing in a good hockey game (let alone one of the greatest hockey rivalries of all-time) would usually help me relax. It helps me take my mind off the other bowling pins I have in the air. That is, until I make the mistake of sitting my laptop next to me so that I can get some work done during the intermission. Inevitably I get so caught up in that work that I can no longer put it down and focus on the next period.
What I think I have here is a temporary issue. I hope it is temporary issue. I would say that it is primarily symptomatic of the end of the academic/formation year. Some folks imagine that at the moment the last exam is submitted, one immediately breathes a great sigh of relief, and all of the sudden all is better and brighter in the world.
Not so. At least, not entirely so. I certainly experienced a moment of relief when the last exam was complete. But I must admit, I still felt like a freight train speeding past its stop. I finished my exam at 4:15 p.m., and had to be showered, packed, and Metroed to Union Station by 5:20 p.m. for a trip to New York. I was popping up there for a health clearance appointment related to my unit of Clinical Pastoral Education this summer. Even on the bus, there was that pile of emails to catch up on that had accrued over final exam crunch time.
Things finally slowed down last Thursday when I got to go on retreat for a few days in West Virginia. Both the setting and the time off were magnificent. Just as important, however, is the time I got for some self-reflection. A time to ask myself what keeps me from being rested.
One part of the answer is obvious: I am busy. That only applies to me, right? No one else is busy out there, right? I know, I know. I am one of those busy people now. The other part of the answer relates to some recent science (ironically, I haven’t had time to check on the original source) that demonstrates how poorly people who look at their electronic devices right before bed sleep compared to people who don’t. As it turns out, working on that computer, typing those emails, running that twitter and Instagram feed at 11 p.m. – it’s all bad news for a good night’s rest.
So this is my problem, only with a grander level of applicability. I expect my body and my soul to rest the moment I am not doing something, the moment I am not stimulated by theology or Blackberry messenger. But this is not possible. Indeed, it is like asking a freight train to stop at a moment’s notice. So there needs to be a buffer. A buffer of time between activity and rest in the proper sense, and a buffer of space between activity and rest in spatial sense. You know what this latter point means: put the iPad away and watch le Bleu, Blanc, et Rouge (Montreal Canadiens) take the Stanley Cup.