January 29, 2017
Editor’s note: Paulist Fr. Rich Andre wrote this reflection as a seminarian for his Preaching III class at the Washington Theological Union seven years ago. It was envisioned as the first 20 minutes of a 3-night mission on the life of St. Paul.
The style of this mission is similar to those of the “LukeLive!” missions given by Paulist Fr. James DiLuzio. In those missions, Fr. James gives a dramatic recitation of the gospel of Luke interspersed with solo songs (both sacred and secular music), congregational singing, reflections, and dialogue with the assembly.
At the mission itself, this 20-minute portion would be interspersed with verses from “Servant Song” by Donna Marie McGargill, OSB. For copyright reasons, the recorded podcast does not include the music.
Before we dive into the life of St. Paul, let us take a few moments to reflect on our own lives. [Pause. Pianist softly improvises on chords of “Servant Song,” without revealing the melody.]
- Close your eyes.
- Think about your life right now.
- What are those activities, topics, and hobbies that give your life meaning?
- What are those things that take you outside of yourself?
There a lot of different words that people use such interests, but today we’ll call them passions. What are the passions that define who you are? I’ll give you a minute to think about it.
What things did you come up with? Maybe you’re thinking of one of your hobbies. Perhaps you’re also thinking of an aspect of your job. Maybe you have a third thing that’s something you do when you get together with a certain friend or with a certain group of friends. Take another few moments to survey other aspects of who you are. Are there other passions to add to your list?
Now, take that mental list and go back in time. Did you exhibit a passion for one these activities at an early age, perhaps in childhood or as a teenager?
That particular passion may have manifested itself in a very different way back then. [Pianist stops playing.] Let me give you a few examples from people in my life:
When I first met my friend Jeff in first grade, he had a well-defined passion: he wanted to replace Joe DiNardo, one of the local TV weathermen, on the news. Jeff hasn’t become a television personality, but he’s maintained a life-long passion for the earth sciences. While he was in college, he got a summer job traveling with the PGA predicting lightning strikes. Today, he’s a professional meteorologist.
My friend Kate has always loved children. As a teenager, she had a reputation as the best babysitter in the neighborhood. She’s one of the best moms I’ve ever met – loving, funny as all get-out, and passionately concerned about her kids’ welfare. When financial pressures forced Kate back into the work force, she watched other people’s young children for pay. When that wasn’t sufficient to provide for her family, she landed a higher-paying job in which she telecommutes from home, so that she can still spend as much time as possible with her kids.
Alex wanted to be a civil engineer from an early age. But in college, Alex felt that his passion for engineering conflicted with his newly-kindled passion for social justice. After he graduates next month, he’ll study organic farming for a year with the Episcopal Service Corps, with the idea of possibly serving as a missionary in the third world afterwards. He seems to have found a way to integrate two very different passions in his life!
So, back to you. [Pianist begins improvising on “Servant Song” again.] Can you think of a passion of yours that has been part of you for most of your life? How has this passion changed and transformed itself over the years? I’ll give you a minute to think about it. [At the end of the minute, the pianist stops playing.]
When we think about Paul, however, we don’t tend to think of him pursuing the same thing all his life. We think of him having a decisive break, a lightning bolt moment of conversion to a new way of life. But in many ways, that’s not the case: Paul was consistent throughout his life. He was passionate for living in right relationship with God. In fact, he uses the word “zeal” to describe himself. When he testified to a crowd in Jerusalem near the end of his life, St. Luke claims that Paul said this about his life before his conversion:
“I was educated strictly in our ancestral law and was zealous for God, just as all of you are.” (Acts 22:3b)
And Paul – or Saul, as he was called back then – needed to have passion if he was going to dedicate his life to the Lord. There were plenty of obstacles in his way. He was from Cilicia, a prosperous Greco-Roman city in Asia minor. If he wanted to worship at the Temple, he needed to move to Jerusalem. He was from the tribe of Benjamin. That meant he couldn’t become a Temple priest, because priests had to be Levites. He lacked the wealth and influence to be accepted into the Sadducees. That left one option for Paul: try to become a Pharisee.
Now, we 21st-century Christians have some mighty slanted views about Pharisees, since the gospels are always slamming them. Forget your preconceptions. In reality, the Pharisaical movement was a reform movement in Judaism that gave rise to modern Judaism. Pharisees were trying to develop a new understanding of how Jews could live in a changing world. Pharisees spent their time studying the Judaic Law, especially the 613 precepts laid out for the Jewish people in the first 5 books of the Bible. Since Jews understood that keeping these precepts was essential for living in right relationship with God, Pharisees spent their time debating the correct way to interpret the Law. Indeed, you could say that the Pharisees had a passion for the Law. Since they had relatively little power, Pharisees had to win other Jews over to their ways of thinking through persuasive arguments. And to do that, they had to know the Law inside and out.
But Saul faced obstacles in making it as a successful Pharisee. While the Book of Acts says that Saul’s father was a Pharisee, most other Pharisees lived their whole lives in the shadow of the Jerusalem Temple. Saul was not born in Jerusalem, coming to his study of the Law rather late in the game. He was a Roman citizen, likely educated in a secular Greek school.
But Saul overcame the disadvantages of his education and cultural upbringing to excel as a Pharisee. In writing to the Galatians about this period in his life, he says:
“[I] progressed in Judaism beyond many of my contemporaries among my race, since I was even more a zealot for my ancestral traditions.” (Galatians 1:14)
There’s that word “zeal” again! Saul had the intelligence and the fire to make up for his shortcomings. He made the most of the unusual life experiences he brought to the Pharisaical studies of Jerusalem. He probably already had a solid background in rhetorical techniques from his Greco-Roman studies, and as a diaspora Jew, he probably brought a fresh perspective to many a debate with his fellow students.
And so, Saul, with his passion for living in right relationship with the Lord and the 613 precepts of the Law and Moses, dedicated his life to the Pharisaical tradition. But a problem cropped up. Pharisees wanted all Jews to agree with their interpretation of the Law, and to do that, they emphasized the importance of learning the Law from a Pharisee teacher. There were always teachers – or rabbis, as they were called – unassociated with the Pharisees or the Sadducees who had their own set of disciples. But one group really got under Saul’s skin: the people who followed the teachings of Jesus of Nazareth. After Jesus was crucified, these disciples became emboldened, and their numbers began to increase.
Saul, like all Pharisees, believed in the resurrection of the body. But Saul could not imagine that a charlatan like Jesus – advocating for a way of fulfilling the Law that seemed contrary to the way advocated by the Pharisees – would be rewarded by God with resurrection.
And so Saul’s passion for living in right relationship with God took Saul on a dangerous course. In that speech that St. Luke gives Saul in Acts 22, he says,
“I persecuted this Way to death, binding both men and women and delivering them to prison. Even the high priest and the whole council of elders can testify on my behalf.” (Acts 22:4-5a)
We tend to remember that Saul persecuted the Christians, but we fail to remember that Saul was motivated by a passion for God, a passion that we now understand as a misguided – or improperly channeled – passion.
And so Saul, on a journey intended to imprison more Christians, headed towards Damascus. And what exactly happened? Saul’s most Technicolor explanation is in Acts 26:
“At midday, along the way, … I saw a light from the sky, brighter than the sun, shining around me and my traveling companions. We all fell to the ground and I heard a voice saying to me in Hebrew…” (Acts 26:13-14a)
Now, lest we forget, Saul was deeply immersed in the Law and the Jewish tradition. He knew about Moses and the burning bush. He had read Isaiah’s description of the seraphim placing a burning coal on his tongue. No doubt Saul knew that he was experiencing a theophany – an appearance of God. Maybe Saul was expecting that God was appearing to him to praise him for his passionate living in right relationship with God.
Of course, we know that’s not what Saul experienced. The voice said to him,
“Saul, Saul, why are you persecuting me?” [Saul] replied, “Who are you, sir?” And [the voice] said to [Saul], “I am Jesus the Nazorean whom you are persecuting.” (Acts 22:7-8)
That had to be a huge shock. Saul, in his passion for living in right relationship with the Lord, finds out that he’s actually been working against God’s divine plan. Moreover, Saul has a personal experience with the risen Christ: not only were the Christians right in claiming that Jesus had risen from the dead, they also were correct to proclaim that Jesus was the Lord!
In fact, the light of this theophany – which we can also call a christophany, an appearance of Christ – temporarily plunged Saul into darkness. He was blinded. But Jesus gave him direction:
“Get up now, and stand on your feet. I have appeared to you for this purpose, to appoint you as a servant and witness of what you have seen of me and what you will be shown. I shall deliver you from this people and from the Gentiles to whom I send you, to open their eyes that they may turn from darkness to light and from the power of Satan to God, so that they may obtain forgiveness of sins and an inheritance among those who have been consecrated by faith in me.” (Acts 26:16-18)
[Pianist plays an introduction to “Servant Song” with the melody played prominently.]
But Saul’s blindness was only to last a few days. He was led by his companions to Damascus, and had three days to sit with his experience. He didn’t eat or drink for these three days, and I bet he couldn’t sleep, either. How did he process this new information – about the nature of Christ, the insight of the Christians, and Christ’s personal mission for Saul to carry out? Perhaps he prayed to Jesus with words similar to these:
What do you want of me, Lord?
Where do you want me to serve you?
Where can I sing your praises?
I am your song.
Jesus, Jesus, you are the Lord.
Jesus, Jesus, you are the way.
[first verse of “Servant Song” by Donna Marie McGargill, OSB]
What’s fascinating is that Saul, once he got over the shock of his world being turned upside down, probably realized that he already had the right skill set to carry out this mission. He had already dedicated his life to God. He already knew the scriptures forwards and backwards. He could still use his gift for rhetoric. And now he could better draw on his Greco-Roman upbringing while still being a dedicated Jew. In fact, by the time Ananias came to Saul at the end of those three days, it was clear that Saul was ready to move forward. Ananias said:
“Saul, my brother, regain your sight.” And at that moment [Saul] regained [his] sight and saw him. Then [Ananias] said, “The God of our ancestors designated you to know his will, to see the Righteous One, and to hear the sound of his voice; for you will be his witness before all to what you have seen and heard. Now, why delay? Get up and have yourself baptized and your sins washed away, calling upon his name.” (Acts 22: 13b-16)
What? After just three days, Saul was ready to be baptized? Whether this seems nonsensical or natural to us has a lot to do with how we understand the nature of conversion. If Saul’s conversion was an instantaneous, out-of-the-blue moment, it seems unbelieveable that he’d be ready to be baptized. But that’s not our understanding of conversion. Conversion is a life-long process. Saul was being prepared for this mission by God from before he “was knit in his mother’s womb” (Psalm 139). He already had passion for the Lord. This was just the moment where something new clicked into place in his understanding the nature of his mission. It was a moment to “refocus” the energy he had dedicated to his lifelong passion for God.
Let’s say it again: conversion is a life-long process. Think back to the passions, activities that we spent time on at the beginning of our time together today.
- What are those things for which you have shown passion throughout your whole life?
- How have they evolved over time?
- Have any of them become central in understanding who God has invited you to be?
- Can any of your passions be used to serve the gospel?
[Pause. Begin instrumental of “Servant Song” again.]
For me, I think about music. I’ve played the piano sing I was in first grade, and I soon spent a lot of my free time playing various instruments in orchestras and bands. If you asked me why I loved music back then, I probably would have just shrugged my shoulders and said I didn’t know why. But soon after I began to singing in choirs in college, I discovered the real reason: my passion for music is because I want to share its message with people. And now, as a preacher, I can use music as a vehicle to share the gospel with other people. I’m convinced that God placed this zeal for music in me all those years ago, fully aware of the potential of how my zeal for music could serve the gospel. It took me half a lifetime to recognize how God has been continually inviting me ever closer. But, of course, conversion is a life-long process!
So, how about you?
- What are your passions?
- How have they evolved over time?
- Can you discern the action of the Holy Spirit in this evolution?
[Pause – perhaps one minute.]
Please join me in singing verse 2 of “Servant Song.”
I hear you call my name, Lord,
And I am moved within me.
Your Spirit stirs my deepest self.
Sing your songs in me.
Jesus, Jesus, you are my Lord.
Jesus, Jesus, you are the way.
[Instrumental continues.] Conversion is never over. As Paul wrote to the Philippians, more than 20 years after his fateful journey to Damascus, he was still growing in his faith in Christ:
“[It is] not that I have already … been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers [and sisters], I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of [spiritual perfection]. But one thing I do: Forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. All of us who are mature should take such a view of things. And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you. Only let us live up to what we have already attained.” (Philippians 3:12-16, NIV)
Let us pray.
God, there are times when it feels as if our lives consist only of disparate actions without a greater purpose. Yet we know that you weave all things into a beautiful tapestry that praises you. May your Holy Spirit guide us, like St. Paul, to work through our temporary blindnesses. May we walk, may we work, may we live in an ever more mature understanding of how our passions serve your gospel. Amen.
Let us conclude by singing verse 4 of “Servant Song.”
You are my light in my darkness.
You are my strength when I’m weary.
You give me sight when I’m blinded.
Come, see for me.
Jesus, Jesus, you are my Light.
Jesus, Jesus, you are the way.
“Servant Song” by Donna Marie McGargill, OSB. Copyright 1984, Oregon Catholic Press: