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Interchurch & Interfaith Marriage - A Window on Unity
by Rev. Michael & Barb Slater, Co-Chair
Interchurch was a word coined by the founders of the Association of Interchurch Families over 30 years ago. They were thinking of a husband and wife who came from two different Christian traditions, with both desiring to remain active in their respective churches. As a couple they live the unity of this marriage, while participating in two separate churches.
The goal of ecumenism is visible Christian unity in one faith and one eucharistic fellowship. The spirit of ecumenism calls us to recognize what we believe in common and celebrate that common faith, as well as to recognize our differences and to work to overcome obstacles to a united witness to Jesus Christ. This spirit of ecumenism is the very heart of an interchurch marriage--the marriage between two Christians from two different traditions.
Interfaith, or interreligious, refers to working with people of other faith traditions such as Jewish, Muslim, Buddhist, Hindu, Sikh and others. The focus of our interreligious initiatives is to build bridges of cooperation among people of all religions whose foundations are understanding, compassion and mutual respect. We seek to find the Holy in the other; to be a united witness to the One True God. Interfaith marriage is the marriage between a couple who come from two completely different faith traditions, i.e. a Christian and Jew, Muslim and Buddhist, Christian and Baha’i.
In the U.S., 50% of Roman Catholics marry someone who is not a Roman Catholic. Because the Roman Catholic church is the biggest in the States, the majority of marriages are going to be interchurch and interfaith marriages. We have also ministered to couples who are Orthodox – Lutheran; Episcopal – Methodist; Baptist – Baha’i, etc. Falling in love and being engaged to a person from a different denomination or faith seems not to be a problem. However, as soon as plans for a wedding are proposed a can of worms is opened and all manner of skeletons are forthcoming from the cupboard. All other considerations are set aside as the families gather to tell you just why it will not work.
The truth is an interchurch or interfaith couple needs marriage preparation as much as any other couple. The problem often is that the “counselor” will either skip the matter, or dwell on it at inordinate length. In truth the couple, both of whom are members of the same church, but one is a committed Christian and the other only nominally so, is in a similar, if not worse situation.
Any relationship that is to last and grow and develop needs to be worked on; an interchurch or interfaith marriage is no different in this respect. The added denominators are of commitment and logistics. An interchurch group that helps with marriage preparation in Omaha, NE asks the question of the couples “What church will you go to the day after your wedding?” In many cases they got the incredulous stare, “Church? We’re on our honeymoon!” But sometimes the answer will be “Mine, of course” from both partners. Then they are asked “Have you even talked about this?”
This is our ministry. Couples come to us many times before they decide to get engaged, wondering if they can make a relationship work, thinking they are the only ones in this situation. It helps when they realize we have been through many of the same things and that there are thousands of other couples who have married someone from another Christian tradition or world religion and have been married for many years.
Personally, when we just met we wanted to learn and share all we could about each other. This included church. So it was Roman Catholic Mass on Saturday evenings and Episcopal Eucharist on Sunday mornings. We eventually got into the pattern of attending, together, each of our parishes on alternate weeks. In fact, our fellow parishioners would say to us, “Are you Roman or Episcopal this week?” This continued until Michael was in the ordination process and was expected to be at his church every week. So now one week we are together on a Saturday for Mass and the next week together on a Sunday when Barbara joins worship at the Episcopal church. We are both active members of both congregations – as far as we are able.
It is vitally important that each person is willing to be open to the other person’s Christian tradition / faith tradition; that they are willing to learn from each other and each other’s tradition. We try to help our couples with this and also help their families who are sometimes very difficult. Each couple also needs to find what works for them. There is no right or wrong way to be an interchurch or interfaith couple / family.
As well as working with interfaith and interchurch couples and their families, we also work with clergy, mount displays, give workshops, counsel, and give marriage preparation. We are presently working on Marriage Preparation Guidelines, which we hope will be helpful to clergy who work with interchurch and interfaith couples.
We publish a bi-monthly newsletter “Together” and reach about 700 people throughout the US on a regular basis. If you would like to receive a “sample” copy of “Together” please email us at: NAIIFChair@aol.com or write to us at:
14851 Harper Street
Midway City, CA 92655-1382
If you would like to receive a copy regularly, the cost of a yearly subscription is $10 by email and $15 by mail.
We are hoping, in the near future, to open a Retreat Center for Interfaith and Interchurch Families in northern Nevada. We want this to be a place where all will feel welcome and comfortable, where they can deepen their relationship with God and each other. We also plan to have Days of Recollection for Interfaith Youth groups; weekends for Interfaith and Interchurch couples preparing for marriage. More to come on that!
We recently opened our website. You can find us at:
www.NAIIFonline.org
We will have posted there leaflets that are available on the Sacraments, Islamic marriage, Jewish marriage (in preparation); articles on a variety of topics; and a bulletin board where interfaith and interchurch couples can “talk” with each other.
If you would like further information on any of the above, please contact us at:
NAIIFChair@aol.com
Rev. Michael & Barb Slater, Co-Chair
National Association of InterChurch & Interfaith Families (NAIIF)
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