Two brothers came home

Anthony Choo and his brother, Paul, stayed away from the church for 20 years. Things changed when Anthony’s wife had difficulty giving birth to their son, Gaius. This and the desire to have Gaius baptized led Anthony and Paul back to the church. Anthony and Paul share their stories.

Anthony: Doing the unimaginable – praying aloud in time of crisis

For almost 20 years, I turned my back on God.

I worked in the financial services industry, and in spite of the current difficult times, my career has been soaring. I never doubted that I got here by my own hard work, like so many other achievements in my life. I mould my own destiny. Or so I thought.

On Nov. 26, 2008, my wife, Karen, was set to deliver our first child. For almost 10 hours she was under induced labor: her cervix would not open wide enough for natural birth; her blood pressure was rising; and the infant’s heartbeat was a little irregular. The gynecologist decided to recommend a caesarian section, which we agreed to. I remember the day like it was yesterday. The thought of a loved one having to go under the knife is not easy to bear, and the operation was going to happen almost immediately. The lives of my wife and my child were at stake.

Then, I did the unimaginable. I prayed aloud together with Karen. We prayed to God to protect us in this uncertainty. For 20 years, I was invincible, but that day I crumbled. Little did I realize it was the beginning of my return to Jesus Christ and the end of my sojourn with naivety.

In case you are wondering, my son, Gaius, cane out fine. He is six-and-a-half months old now. Karen is well and back to work. The birth of Gaius did not immediately cause me to return to the church. What did was an initial attempt at baptizing Gaius. It turned into a signing up with a Landings ministry for both Paul (my brother and Gaius’ eventual godfather) and me. Like me, Paul had left the church, and for almost the same amount of time as me.

Concerning Landings, I was a big skeptic at first. Paul and I were the ones who had been away longest in our group. However, the sessions were non-doctrinal; there was no attempt to impose “right” and “wrong” on participants. Everyone spoke about their lives and gave their views, and everyone else listened. No one was judged. That, for many of us, was important.

On the ninth week of Landings, my father was admitted to the Institute of Mental Health for psychiatric treatment. He had fallen in to depression and was suffering from an anxiety disorder. It was a difficult time. The tenth and final week of Landings involved a two-day, one night retreat at FMM House. Paul and I went to the retreat and missed the first weekend visit to Dad.

That night, the Holy Spirit came to me (I think) moments before the Sacrament of Reconciliation, my first in 20 years. I was still struggling to describe that feeling months after that night. I have heard people talk people talk about it, but never understood until then. I felt the sky open. I felt God’s mercy, on someone like me who had turned away for so long. I felt Jesus’ death on the cross for me, and realized that no sacrifice I claim to make for anyone can surpass that sacrifice which he freely accepted.

Dad was discharged after five weeks, which was much faster than we had expected. The following Sunday, we walked into church victorious. Dad is a non-Catholic. We have been back to church ever since. The Bible is my best read after the Financial Times every day at work.

My life has changed tremendously since that Landings retreat. My attitude to certain life issues has become less cumbersome since knowing that I no longer walk alone. Perhaps I never did.

Paul: Thought Landings session would ‘bore him to death,’ but he was in for a surprise

I was baptized Catholic when I was two- or three-years old, and went to catechism classes with my older brother, Paul, until I was about 10. We did not really care thatn much about church then, often sneaking off after Sunday classes to avoid Mass and then head home for Sunday morning cartoons on TV. We stopped going to church after moving away from our old neighborhood about 20 years ago. That was as far as my childhood religion went.

I was agnostic even before I knew what the word meant. I suppose when I was younger, it was difficult to grasp the concept of an invisible all-mighty being – it did not get any easier when I got older. Even though our mother was Catholic, our family was quite secular in terms of lifestyle.

Thus church and religion did not matter in my life. If I was at Mass, it was because I was in a Catholic secondary school and teachers would force me to go during special occasions.

In recent years, I have been reading arguments for and against the existence of God, largely sourced from the Internet. It has always been easier for me to relate to arguments that denounce the existence of God.

Yet, I have met some very intelligent people – lawyers, scientists, doctors – who seem to have so much faith in God, and I just could not understand how that is possible. Men and women of science! How can that be? I used to think up explanations for their behavior: Perhaps they were feeling desperate in some and this was an attempt to seek solace in some invisible being; or maybe they were just weekend Catholics, because they seemed to be horrible people during the week.

I never felt I needed God.

In the end, after fruitless (sometimes half-hearted) research on my part, I realized the most logical place to start looking for answers would be … the church! I tried. I went to Church of the Holy Spirit a few years ago when I returned to Singapore after studying overseas. I met with Father Andrew Wong, who, after hearing my background, suggested I first go for Mass instead of RCIA (Landings was not available then). But I found that going to Mass alone after 20 years of absence was extremely intimidating, so I gave up.

When my nephew, Gaius, was born, my brother, Anthony, suddenly came up to me and asked me to be the kid’s godfather. I was quite surprised, as my brother had been as skeptical of religion as I had been. Apparently he had an epiphany of sorts when Gaius was born, and thought Gaius should be brought up as a Catholic – for the moral values if nothing else. It was only logical then that we started going back to church to re-learn about the faith, and find out how to get Gaius baptized.

Fortnately, my brother came across an ad in CatholicNews for Landings, and it seemed perfect for us.

I had absolutely no expectations of Landings. Well, that’s not entirely true. I had expected to be bored to death. I still remember being in the car on the way to our first session, and my brother and I agreed we should be able to pull off ten sessions and get Gaius baptized – which was our actual goal.

I felt some anxiety. Would I be quizzed on my knowledge of the Bible? Twenty years was a long time to be away, and my memory of the Bible was as vague as some old Enid Blyton fairy tale that I had read as a child. I also wondered if Landings was a ploy to lure non-active Catholics back to church.

Surprisingly, I actually found Landings sessions enjoyable and looked forward to them. I hoped that Landings would help me find some answers to questions about faith in God.

Tony See, the coordinator who started another group on Sundays especially for my brother and me, had said to us, “We won’t judge you on your level of faith” when we first attended Landings. That was very comforting. We were welcomed with open arms, and the people at Landings were very warm. I also found a lot of support from Landings when my father was ill and hospitalized. I am still amazed at the sincerity and warmth shown by my brothers and sisters in Landings.

The only difficult part of the program was during the initial session, when I did not know what to expect. My journey through the 10 weeks has been quite a strange one: It started from desire to get my nephew baptized, resulted in me actually enjoying it, and then seeing my father hospitalized and eventually recovering well enough to join us at Mass – one of the happiest days of my life.

I think holding discussions in small groups is a fantastic idea, and I like the feeling of a community in church. It could be that Landings is a relatively young ministry, and hence the framework is not very rigid. I find that flexibility actually refreshing. I realize also that there are many ways to return to the church.

Spiritually, I think I am still agnostic, although I am starting to see the possibility that there are certain events in my life that are not just pure coincidences. I have started to go to Mass – thanks to the friends I have at Landings – and Mass is actually enjoyable now. I want to continue to be a part of Landings for other returning Catholics and to discover more about God.