February 25, 2014
Perhaps the first thing we should do is define what constitutes an interchurch couple. For simplicity, let’s take the definition interchurch families themselves use most often.
An interchurch family includes a husband and wife who come from two different church traditions (often a Roman Catholic married to a Christian of another communion). Both of them retain their original church membership, but so far as they are able they are committed to live, worship and participate in their spouse’s church also. If they have children, as parents they exercise a joint responsibility under God for their religious and spiritual upbringing, and they teach them by word and example to appreciate both their Christian traditions.
Interchurch families, then, are not simply those who fall under that canonical category called “mixed marriages”. That connotation refers to all Catholics who are married to a Christian of another tradition, and may include families where one or both spouses don’t worship or practice their faith in any significant way. Interchurch couples, on the contrary, deliberately and conscientiously share their faith with each other, and worship and participate to the extent they are able in both their churches.
Theirs is an alive and dynamic faith, always being challenged and called into greater depth and understanding. Their children are nurtured in an environment of awareness of and respect for both traditions. While it has often been said that this will confuse the children, the experience of interchurch families has shown that, while there may be confusion, that confusion is most often within the churches, rather than within the children.
It’s worth looking at the issues that interchurch couples and their ecclesial communities need to deal with. It’s only by being aware, not only of the issues but of potentially liberating opportunities, that we will enable people to take on the fullness of their faith in Christ as lived out in this or that tradition. We’ll look at several key components.
Baptism
A child cannot be baptized twice, once into the father’s tradition and once into the mother’s. One is baptized into the body of Christ, the Church, once and for all time. But must such a baptism be seen as incarnating into only one tradition? At the moment, that appears to be the understanding. Indeed, some traditions are able to recognize initiation into their tradition only if the pastor of that tradition has performed the baptism. Must it be so?
Why not have the minister of one tradition perform the baptism, then the minister of the other tradition immediately receive that validly baptized child into his/her tradition, in accordance with the intent of the parents? Let us cease viewing such reception as a rejection of, an exiling from, the church of baptism. Let us see it instead as an incorporation of all that is rich and good from that tradition into the tradition in which one is being received. Let us allow the parents and children to live out their incarnational reality within their two Christian traditions, recognizing the orthopraxy of such a lived unity, even as we wait for the theological and legal orthodoxy to be established. Were this done, not at separate ceremonies (which would emphasize the partial separation of the churches) but at the same ceremony (which would emphasize what is held in common), then blood family and church family alike would see and be called to rejoice in the rich reality that is being lived out before their eyes.
Where baptismal traditions differ, the proposal put forward in 1995 by Ruth Reardon of the Association of Interchurch Families of the United Kingdom is worth considering. The Rite of Christian Initiation of Adults (RCIA) could be adapted for children and infants. Children could be accepted into the order of catechumens in a public ceremony witnessed by the church community, with the church accepting them as persons intending to become its members. According to Article 47 of the RCIA, “catechumens are considered part of the household of Christ.”
Reardon goes on to say “[t]he catechumenate is an indeterminate period; the Presentations of the Creed, the Lord’s prayer and the Ephphetha Rite can all take place during this period, and would make a lot of sense in the development of a growing child. The second big stage, the Rite of Election, would need to take place at a time when the child was more immediately preparing for baptism.” Recognized as joined to the Church, the catechumen could be appropriately catechized until he/she makes a faith decision and accepts baptism. Such a process may well serve to satisfy the aspirations of both baptismal traditions.
At the very least, let’s invite the pastors of both traditions to take part in baptismal preparation, as well as in the service in which the baptism takes place. This will enable both spouses, as well as their respective blood and ecclesial families, to be involved, and to see that the new addition to the family is being well provided for, truly welcomed, by both traditions. If there are lingering fears or animosities regarding faith in one or both of the families, that common preparation and participation will go a long way toward their healing.
Eucharist
The Scriptures proclaim (Mk. 10:8), the Church believes and teaches (CCC #1644), and we experience and believe, that in marriage God takes two people and makes them one. The Scriptures also tell us (Jn. 6:53) that unless we eat of the flesh of the Son of Man, and drink of His blood, we can have no life in us. And so the question must be asked: Where is that one, made so by God in marriage, to take and eat, take and drink?
Corollary questions also arise. Given that one is indivisible, then if half of that one is not welcome to take and eat, take and drink, here in this place and service, can the other half of that one be welcome? Must that one choose either a)[RJ1] to affirm the sacrament of marriage by refraining from dividing and so not receive the Eucharist, the ultimate sacrament of unity, or b) [RJ2] to deny the unity of the sacrament of marriage in order to receive the sacrament of unity – and in that denial and division render oneself indisposed to receive the Eucharist? These are questions the churches must grapple with on the journey to Christian unity. The answers impact heavily on interchurch families.
Confirmation
Confirmation presents a real challenge, both for interchurch families and for their churches. In addition to being an act of God, it is seen as a choice to be part of a community of faith, with each church seeing it as a choice and commitment to their specific faith tradition. This can be quite a challenge for interchurch children, for whom both traditions are part of their very makeup. (Interchurch couples carry two traditions within the unity of their marriage. Their children carry two traditions within one body.) Some have resolved it by being confirmed in one church, then having that confirmation affirmed in their other church. But some have chosen not to be confirmed at all as long as they are faced with this choice. In so doing, they present a powerful challenge to the churches, who are as yet divided in this and other ways.
Funerals and the Eucharist
The death of a spouse is a key event where the strength and stability of the family life that flows from marriage is threatened. In death, of course, the marital union has been broken. It is in this time, however, that the experience of exile can be deeply felt, if the remaining spouse cannot be made truly welcome, in the community and before God, as he or she brings closure to their married life together.
While spouses would normally prefer to have their funeral service held in their own tradition, the remaining spouse must be able to deal with the funeral in a way which minimizes stress – even if that means having the service in a different church.
There is also a real need to express family unity and solidarity in a time of grief. If we cannot recognize, at the point of final celebration of life, the grave and pressing need for expressions of unity, and for Eucharist as the ultimate sign and symbol of unity, what will we consider sufficiently grave and pressing that we may offer it, welcome interchurch couples, and end their exile? Conversely, if we can do so then, why not now, in life, when strength and nourishment are needed for the journey, and for what is seen as the primary moving force in marriage, i.e. the unity and stability of their marital union?
Life in General
Let our churches begin to share space and resources together, learning to live, as married couples do, under one roof, where gifts can be discovered and magnified, the shadows of our deepest selves brought into the light. Though always challenging, this can help create and nurture respect for the ‘other’.
If we, as churches, having allowed couples to marry across denominational lines, are going to encourage such marriages to be faith-filled and faithful, we must have two goals in mind. While remaining faithful to who we are before God, we must as much as possible move forward by removing the barriers to growth in faith. While those barriers continue to exist, we must help couples build the resources to live with existing barriers in a positive manner.
To help achieve these goals, we should look to the gift in our midst: interchurch couples who are experiencing joy in their faith and in their churches, and who are instruments of unity, sanctity, catholicity and apostolicity. We can look to them for two reasons. They can show us where the barriers are, and what might be done to remove them. They also show by their example how to wait in joyful hope while they work, along with the whole Church, for the removal of the barriers.
Ray and Fenella Temmerman, a Catholic and Anglican couple living in Winnipeg, Manitoba, worship together in both their parishes and are active in a variety of ecumenical activities. Ray operates the interchurchfamilies.org website, as well as an international discussion group where people discuss the joys and difficulties, hopes and dreams of their path to Christian unity. They were principal coordinators of the 10th International Conference of Interchurch Families, held in Edmonton, Alberta in 2001.